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08
11
2009
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DON’T USE THE WORD TRY |
By Dr. Abdul Kalam
> I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a
> very young
> age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words
> affect our
> mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful
> programming
> factor in lifelong success.
>
> One particularly interesting event occurred when I was
> eight. As a
> kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally
> hanging around
> upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came
> to no
> surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree
> swinging
> back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn’t
> realize the tree
> could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun
> to be up so
> high.
>
> My older cousin was also in the same tree. He was hanging
> on the first
> big limb, about ten feet below me. My Aunt also noticed us
> at the
> exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind
> came over
> the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the
> tree begin
> to sway. I remember my dad’s voice over the wind yell, ”
> Hold on
> tightly.” So I did. The next thing I know, I heard my
> cousin screaming
> at the top of his lungs, laying flat on the ground. He had
> fallen out
> of the tree.
>
> I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me
> why he fell
> and I did not. Apparently, when my aunt felt the gust of
> wind, she
> yelled out, “Sonny, don’t fall!” And my cousin did fall.
>
> My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very
> difficult time
> processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on
> internal
> pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for my
> cousin to
> process the command of not falling, his nine-year-old brain
> had to
> first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do
> what it
> just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly
> had an
> internal image of me hanging on tightly.
>
> This concept is especially useful when you are attempting
> to break a
> habit or set a goal. You can’t visualize not doing
> something. The only
> way to properly visualize not doing something is to
> actually find a
> word for what you want to do and visualize that. For
> example, when I
> was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school
> football
> team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn’t get
> it together
> at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my
> head as I was
> running out for a pass, “Don’t drop it!” Naturally, I
> dropped the
> ball.
>
> My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper
> “self-talk.”
> They just thought some kids could catch and others
> couldn’t. I’ll
> never make it pro, but I’m now a pretty good Sunday
> afternoon football
> player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and
> encourages me
> to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football
> instead of just
> climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.
>
> Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and
> your friends
> the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or
> pencil.
> Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say
> to them,
> “Okay, try to drop the pencil.” Observe what they do.
>
> Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit
> the floor.
> You respond, “You weren’t paying attention. I said TRY to
> drop the
> pencil. Now please do it again.” Most people then pick up
> the pencil
> and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand
> tries but
> fails to drop the pencil.
>
> The point is made.
>
> If you tell your brain you will “give it a try,” you are
> actually
> telling your brain to fail. I have a “no try” rule in my
> house and
> with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or
> they won’t.
> Either they will be at the party or they won’t. I’m brutal
> when people
> attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I
> don’t know
> they are really telegraphing to the world they have no
> intention of
> doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for
> pretended
> effort? You will never hear the words “I’ll try” come out
> of my mouth
> unless I’m teaching this concept in a seminar.
>
> If you “try” and do something, your unconscious mind has
> permission
> not to succeed. If I truly can’t make a decision I will
> tell the
> truth. “Sorry John. I’m not sure if I will be at your party
> or not.
> I’ve got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through,
> I will be
> here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite.”
> People respect honesty. So remove the word “try” from your
> vocabulary.
>
> My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes
> seventeen
> positive statements to offset one negative statement. I
> have no idea
> if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up
> to seventeen
> compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh
> criticism.
>
> These are concepts that are especially useful when raising
> children.
>
> Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily
> versus how
> many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself
> all day
> long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.
> So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you
> shortchanging
> yourself with toxic self-talk like, ” I’m fat. Nobody will
> like me.
> I’ll try this diet. I’m not good enough. I’m so stupid. I’m
> broke,
> etc. etc.”
Govind
November 10th, 2009 at 5:19 am
A very useful post for all ages.Thanks for sharing.